That 4 letter word is back.

by Jen

That dirty little word is back. I've written about it before. A four letter contraction that can paralyze me. The word is CAN'T!

I think it has been around this whole week, but I consciously noticed it last night. My fourth roll was with Tom. It was a tough night all around and he had full mount. His 170+ lbs felt like 250. I just stopped and said, "Forget it, I can't escape. I give up."

I have been able to escape before. I have recalled the "move like the water" philosophy and wiggled my way out. But last night, after already getting tapped out several times, I said I can't.

In an effort to start banishing this word from my vocabulary I have been giving thought to what it really means to me. Here's what I came up with.

I don't want to.

I'm afraid.

It's not important enough to me.

I'm frustrated.

I suspect that if replacing "I can't" with the real meaning, the words will be much more difficult to say and help me deal with the issue at hand. In a way, I guess it's a lot like growing up and accepting responsibility for your decisions and actions.