This started as a blog about training together as a family, in part to inspire other women & families to get involved. As female participation in jiu jitsu has increased, as we have grown as athletes and as we learned that families training together aren’t such an anomaly, the blog has evolved. Jen gets personal with posts on ambition, challenges & achievements in BJJ, CrossFit & with nutrition, while Tom's posts are more educational, informative and analytical in regards to training. On occasion you may hear from the kids.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

DON'T yell at your daughter before her match!

by Jen

The four previous posts shared tips about kids' bjj tournaments. Now I will share my personal "DON'T" on this topic. Let me preface this story by reminding you that my 14-year old, Logan, and I have a close mother/daughter relationship which has only been strengthened through our training. Let me also explain that Logan and I are very similar in the way we handle tournament nerves. We are quiet, serious and a little irritable. Sharing in these behaviors helps us understand each other. But that is no excuse for my behavior at the last tournament.

DON'T yell at your daughter before her match!

The two of us were waiting at Logan's assigned mat and were surprised when they called her name to fight early on. Our coach, family and friends were scattered around the gymnasium because no one expected her to fight so early. I quickly grabbed my phone to text Marcelo and Tom to coach and film. At the same time, Logan took one last swig of her water, put her mouth guard in and tried handing me the container and water bottle. "Take my mouth guard- my water!" she exclaimed. "Wait! I'm texting Marcelo! Would you rather I take your mouth guard or text your coach? Just throw them on the ground!" I ordered.

At that point, a man standing next to us, whom neither of us knew, put his hand on Logan's shoulder and said in a caring voice, "Good luck out there." Clearly this was his way of de-escalating the situation. I knew then that I would win the medal for the worst bjj mother in the world. Here I am, her only supporter at the mat, and the adult, yelling at her minutes before her first match. "Uh, sorry Logan. Good luck out there, girl. I know you'll do great," I said humbly.

Luckily, that is exactly what she did! Our heated words were forgotten as we celebrated her victory.

Fortunately we can laugh about this now. However, I will always remember how awfully I behaved. The memory will be an ever present reminder to focus on what is important as my children participate in future competitions. - Sorry girl!


  1. You're a champ for examining yourself and admitting you made a mistake. Props to you, mom :)